Stop Shoulding on Yourself

washing the woulda/coulda/shouldas down the drain

This story is an excerpt from an article guest posted one Writing the Long Game by Tom Kuegler, you can read the full story here.

In 2023, I paid a coaching firm $14K, and my barely-make-ends-meet business went so deep into the red I thought maybe I would just let it bleed out. (you can read that story here).

At a loss for what to do on the practical business level, I found myself one morning sitting with my ancestor shrine, and spilling coffee all over Reverend Phil Laporte’s picture.

“Stop shoulding on yourself,” his playful voice echoed in my head, “ It doesn’t smell good on you.”

Well, duh! I belly laughed as I cleaned up the coffee. I'd spent my time and money and loyalty seeking the ‘right’ answers from others (outside myself) and forgot the core truth I learned from Phil when I was 15 years old, the answers lie within! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I promptly took a longer-than-usual shower and washed all my regrets and woulda/coulda/shouldas down the drain.

What does smell good on me?, I asked myself while looking at myself in the mirror.

Writing!

I’ve been writing since I was seven years old. I don’t need some checklist or online program to show me how.

I’m a writer, damn it. And I’m here to write.

With my hair still wrapped in a towel, I signed up on Substack.

Lesson

While I went to great lengths (and extensive shower) to wash that “shoulding” energy off myself, I fully admit that when we “should” on ourselves, we don’t always have the time, resources, or capacity to go take a long shower to swirl the shoulds away.

However, there is a simple in-the-moment solution.

When you catch yourself shoulding on yourself, you can transmute that energy pretty quickly with a very simple letter substitution. Think of it like a swap-out of a tired out player on the soccer team.

Instead of Sh, start the word with a C.

Instead of Should, say Could.

I should meditate every day.

I could meditate every day.

Wow…that’s a big shift in meaning. Instead of shhhhushing yourself in SHame, you are Could-ing yourself into potential and possibility, without judgment!

The SH sound is rather hushing, stifling, diminishing.

But the C sound is rather catapulting, conducting, and convincing.

*I gotta give credit and say thanks to my friend

James Bailey

for offering this little insight on a recent zoom call. It wasn’t until James suggested this to me that I realized I had unconsciously been making this letter-substitution for years now!

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